WASHINGTON - Rejoice! Donald Trump, the oldest man ever elected president, is so healthy he can easily serve a second term, according to a Navy doc named Ronny.
Even though Trump at 71 is borderline obese and has coronary heart damage and high cholesterol, he is in "excellent" health. That time he slurred the name of the country (United Schtates) was because the doctor gave him too much medicine, the doctor himself said at the White House press room lectern.
Trump is officially not obese because he has, amazingly, gained an inch in height in the White House. Even though he is 6-foot-2, the doctor said he is 6-foot-3. (All that Propecia apparently elevated his hairdo.) And because he correctly answered 30 cognitive questions, we don't have to worry about the president's mental state.
Instead of doing deals with Congress, Trump spends his time assuring us how great he is.
The president is not only the healthiest president ever, he insists he is the "least racist man on earth." The facts (yes, FACTS!) are that he was sued by the federal government for racial discrimination in refusing to sell apartments to blacks, called white supremacists fine people, campaigned to have five teens given the death penalty for a crime of which they were later exonerated, refused to accept former President Barack Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate, said Mexico exports murderers and rapists, said a federal judge was unable to do his job because he is of Mexican descent, and maligned immigrants from Africa and Haiti.
Although Trump does not read books or briefing papers or much of anything but instead watches Fox News for hours each day, he assures us he is a "stable genius." To prove it, he held a televised bipartisan meeting with members of Congress promising to do a deal to protect Dreamers, immigrants brought to the United States illegally as children and now studying or working, and two days later profanely disavowed it.
He is not benefitting monetarily from his presidency, he tells us solemnly. But a new report details how his hotels and golf courses have benefitted by millions of dollars from organizations and rich people trying to curry favor with him. His tax cuts also will save him millions.
In a harrowing hours-long drive through a blinding snow storm, I listened to Trump supporters defending their guy on the radio. One man in Pittsburgh urgently defended the president against charges of racism by citing Trump's triumphant statement that his support among blacks has doubled, even though it has declined from 15 percent to 6 percent. The fan insisted Trump has brought "great" jobs back to the U.S. and touted Walmart's wage increase (despite its decision to shutter 63 Sam's Clubs).
Meanwhile Trump has doubled down in his assault on the media - "enemies of the people" - daily endorsing fake news as real and real news as fake. And his base loves it although Trump has been proven to have lied more than 2,000 times in the past year. He has to lie; otherwise, he would be confirming that he does not keep his word.
George Orwell: "The further a society drifts from the truth, the more people will hate those who speak it." Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Az., quoted that while warning on the Senate floor about the all-out assault on truth Donald Trump has initiated. The chamber was mostly empty during Flake's impassioned speech. Oh, by the way, Flake is not running again for the Senate because Trump supporters won't support him.
That's possibly why most Republicans on Capitol Hill are standing by Trump, no matter how preposterous his lies, no matter how detrimental he is to truth and democracy. That's why Republicans in that explosive White House meeting "don't recall" the president's profanity because if they told the truth, Trump would look bad and get revenge, his favorite pastime.
One Trumpster told the truth. Defending his father against the widespread belief he's a racist, Donald Trump Jr. insisted the only color his father is interested in "is green. That's all he cares about." Green, as in money.
Don't worry, Trump supporters. Your incredibly healthy, brilliant, great leader will be around for a long time, raking it in.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Ann McFeatters is an op-ed columnist for Tribune News Service. Readers may send her email at email@example.com.